11.11.2009

So Hollow

DANGIT. DANGIT. DANGIT.         
 I always screw it up. It's always me. I always do something and then what I love is lost. I've been wearing this mask to hide what I'm so scared of revealing. It's time this mask be ripped off. But it's not going to be me who rips it off. It's going to be the person who I thought I loved. I just want to sit behind this mask. I told him I wanted to hide.




[[I'm so hollow. I feel abused. I gave so much. I gave things I have never given anyone else. I just want to leave and after such a short time you think it would be easy, but it's not. I'm so attached, so addicted, so needy, so... in love.]]

The clouds crawl out of the sky as the rays shoot its bullets our from under the puffs on the clouds. I see the sun. I see the light. I suddenly have strength that I did not have before. I suddenly feel powerful enough to release this burden. I suddenly feel okay. I know that all this input and time that I've given will be lost and forgotten, but the lesson will always be learned. The lesson to plant my feet before I jump. The lesson to breathe and think before I jump. The lesson to close my eyes before I jump. The lesson that when I jump, I am jumping into something that I have jumped into before. I know where it will take me. I know that I will only end up drowning and gasping for breath. I will only end up swallowing empty water that will only choke me... kill me.

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