Home Alone.

There's something about being home alone. The feel of my home is different, there is a silence that lingers through the hall... a silence that I crave. I love being able to turn my music up all the way, and not have someone yelling at me to turn it down. I can watch a movie without being interrupted. I can curl up on the couch and mute the TV and just lay in the silence. I can turn all the lights off.

[[This is the silence in my life that I crave. The same silence and comfort that I feel when I'm all by myself. That's the silence that I feel my life currently lacks. Every night this week I've had something going on. I feel like my life has too much consistency. Which can be a good thing most days. Other days I just want to come home and lay in the silence by myself without being bothered.]]

My life just needs to be silenced. I've talked about before on how I've learned how to silence the noise, but some days are harder than others. I can't wait to start a new chapter in my life. New friends. New places. New directions. New environment. New community. New rules. New lives to experience.

I guess I just am afraid that all this 'new' stuff won't happen. When I want something so bad, I tend to not get it. Or if I do, I feel shorted. My expectations were too high.

Well... right now I'm sitting on the couch in my Broncos hoodie, covered by a blanket, laptop in lap, lights all off, Stomp the Yard playing in front of me, with the dog laying next to me. I'm happy.

But someone wise once said...

 "Happiness only real when shared."


Holiday Gift Ideas.

I ran across this article called Top Ten Gift Ideas for Your Best Friend. I thought I would share it with you guys, and give you some ideas for this holiday season. :)

A photo calendar is a great gift idea because your best friend will be able to enjoy it all year long. Gather up 12 or 18 of your favorite pictures with your best friend and head on over to Kinko's, or Kinkos.com and for only $19.99 they will make you this personalized calendar. You can add important dates, and choose from 4 different styles. You can also pick whether you want a 12 month calendar or an 18 month calendar. This gift is cheap, unique, and your best friend will love it!

2) MIX CDMix CDs are great because they are cheap and your best friend will be able to keep it forever! Sure a "mix tape" sounds a lot more original but not many people even have a tape player these days. With a mix CD you can put songs that you and your best friend have loved over the years and listen to it everywhere you go. Your best friend will love the time and thought you put into making it and both of you will be able to enjoy it.

Scrapbooks are becoming more and more popular these days. They are a fun way to make the gift for your best friend as personalized as possible, and it'll be fun for you as well! The best place to purchase a scrapbook is at Michael's, and they have all of the accessories for it as well. You could start the first few pages for her with your favorite pictures, and then let her fill up the rest. Scrapbooks are really fun to make and you could even make the pages together so both of you can have some fun!

If you go to
amazon.com you will be able to find this cute little book called "The Best Friends Book." It's written like a little kid's book but it has some silly little descriptions on what it means to be a best friend. For example, one page says a best friend "will tell you funny jokes even if you blow milk out of your nose when you laugh." As simple as it is, this book will mean a lot to your best friend and it's funny as well! At around $5.00 this gift is definitely worth every penny.

Handmade gifts are always the best because it shows that you put your time, thought, and effort into making something special. You could knit a scarf, paint a picture, make a necklace, make a purse out of some old jeans, basically anything you can think of your best friend will love just for the simple fact that you made it. Michael's craft store has hundreds of project ideas so you don't have to worry about not being able to think of something to make. Hand making a gift is also a great idea because you can spend as much or as little money as you want on it, and have fun while making it!

Does your best friend have a favorite hobby? Whether its sewing, dancing or collecting treasure trolls, your best friend will be thrilled to see that you cared about her hobby while putting your own personal touch on the item when picking it out. If it is her hobby, that means she can never get enough of it, so getting her a gift that will fit right in with what she loves is a great idea to ensure she will like what you got her.

Anything from Bath and Body Works makes a great gift because usually everything in the store is a little too on the expensive side for people to just buy for themselves. You can even get a beautiful gift basket with everything in a scent that your best friend loves. There are lotions, bath gel, body spray, perfumes, shampoo, conditioner, the possibilities of items to pick from are endless. And every scent smells so good you can't go wrong!

A gift certificate for a manicure, pedicure or both is a wonderful gift idea because there is not one girl in the entire world who wouldn't love it. You could get one for yourself as well and make a day out of going together with your best friend. Manicures and pedicures are so relaxing you will be happy you picked such a great gift, and your feet and hands will look great afterwards as well!

Does your best friend love music? If so, concert tickets make a great gift idea because you will get to spend time with your best friend while doing something you both love. If music isn't really her "thing," tickets to an amusement park, art gallery, zoo, movie, or anywhere else she likes to go would make a great gift, and the fact that she doesn't have to pay for it just makes it even better.

If none of these ideas seem like something your best friend would go for, just think of what you would love for her to get you. Because you are best friends, you more than likely see eye to eye on many things such as what you would like to receive as a gift. Also if you get her something that you like as well, you will both be able to enjoy it!


You Learn.

I have learned that I need to be more careful about what I blog.
I have learned that some people don't know how to be sensitive towards my feelings.
I have learned that, no matter who it is, every friend will fail me.
I have learned how to silence the noise.
I have learned that music has the ability to heal, although Jesus is the Ultimate Healer.
I have learned that God is the only one who is always there for me.
I have learned that most guys really don't care about my feelings or emotions.
I have learned to never go back there again.
I have learned to use the 'delete contact' button on my phone.
I have learned that no matter how hard you try to walk away from something, they will always be there to pull you back in.
I have learned what a blog is:


an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page

I have learned that some people don't appreciate that I write what I feel.
I have learned to grow up about some things.
I have learned that true friends will let me text them at late hours in the night.
I have learned to finally speak up.
I have learned to finally stand up for myself.
I have learned that people will lie.
I have learned that crying when you're trying to sleep sucks.
I have learned that I apologize for stuff that's not my fault.
I have learned that the three words "I LOVE YOU" mean different to some people.
I have learned that I should trust my instincts on my big decisions more often.
I have learned to listen to my best friend and to take her advice.
I have learned that I am beautiful, and even if I have self-esteem issues, I don't need to "do something about it" by working out.
I have learned that I love some people who will never love me back.
I have learned more in these past two weeks then I have ever learned before.
I have learned that I am me.


Complete and Total Adoration.

I remember what you wore on that first day. You came into my life and I thought Hey, you know this could be something. Everything you do and words you say, you know that it all takes my breath away and now I’m left with nothing.

My gift to you, my heart was yours. In ten weeks you shaped it, in one night you murdered it. Torn from my chest and laid at your feet, that first step you took was the worst. Since then you’ve walked a thousand miles in silence and short remarks. I still have these memories, but we’ll never see what we could’ve been.

Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now? Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go? Remember, because that’s all you can do. We’ll never make another memory. We’ll never make another memory.

It hurts my soul because I can’t let go. All these walls are caving in. I can’t stop my suffering. I hate to show that I’ve lost control because I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from. I’m about to break. I can’t stop this ache. I’m addicted to your allure and I’m feeding for a cure. Every step I take leads to one mistake. I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from. I can’t mend this sore state I’m in. Getting nothing in return, what did I do to deserve the pain of this slow burn? Every where I turn, I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from.

I wish I would’ve died in your arms the last night we were together, so I wouldn’t have to wake without you today. This time I thought things we’re real; you said they were. What happened? You were a priority, was I an option? I let you see a side of me that I don’t share with anyone. Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled. I knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart. I’m sorry that wasn’t enough.

And this will be the first time in a week that I’ll talk to you, and I can’t speak. It’s been three whole days since I’ve had sleep. I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I’m not that strong. I miss the lips that made me fly.

I don’t know what to do. My heart has been bruised. So sad, but it’s true. Each beat reminds me of you. I should’ve known that I was used for amusement. I couldn’t see through the smoke. It was all an illusion. Now I’ve been licking my wounds, but the venom seeps deeper.

[[I guess that I can live
without you
without you
I'll be
miserable at best.]]

So we’ll go our own ways, and hopefully you will remember the things I’ve told you. Hopefully you’ll understand that everything I said was in sincerity. A broken heart is not what I wanted from this, but I guess I’ve learned from it. But aren’t you supposed to learn from your mistakes? I don’t consider this a mistake;
I just wish the story didn’t end this way ‘cause

 I’m still [in love] with the person who helped me write it.

Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift
A Year From Now by Across Five Aprils
Walk Away by Christina Aguilera
Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade