1.26.2010

Take Me Back To The Start Part II

[This poem was inspired by two of
Coldplays songs that you can read here.
I wrote it last night.
It just fell out of me.
Please don't critique it.
Just read it.
Thank you.]

Take me back to the start
When innocence swallowed me
When ignorance drank me
When foolishness stroke me
I don't want to be here or any further ahead
I want to go back. I would rather part from you
Than advance any further in this thing you call a
Friendship. You have no idea,
You have no clue. You don't see me the way
I see you. You belong with me. Not her.

But then again, what is happiness?
Is it to be with the one you
Want?
Or is it to be with the one you
Need?
I wish you could look into the pools inside
My deep eyes and feel the passion I feel
When I look into yours.
Blame me, or blame yourself.
But either way I don't mind because I know she's
Not for you. You may not be for me and that's ok.
Because, Darling, I haven't quite
Pieced it all together yet either. But what I do know,
What I do know for a fact is that you'll come
Back to me. Even though you haven't left,
I will.
I will leave you once you become
Lost in her.


Those streets you find yourself walking
Are already miles away

From my home. Even though the road
Signs point you back to where you
Started, you will walk and wander blindly
Into a young city of love. And my river
Will run dry for you. I won't be able to
Survive without you drenching my heart
With excitement like you do now.
How could you not see the signs?
How could you walk past and not stop
Without me crossing your mind?
Or maybe you have.
Maybe you are.
Maybe you've already created and drilled
Into your thoughtless mind the impossibility
Of best friends being drawn together.
Can I survive?
Will I survive?
When I leave, will you stay?
Or will you chase after that city that calls for you?
I pray you stay. I pray you wait. I pray you feel the same.
Because I am staying quiet. You may never know
That I am in love with who you are, and I am ok with that.
Because I want you to be happy, and know that
My doors are always open and ready to allow you in.
But know you stole my heart and you have it,

Whether you asked for it or not. You protect it.
Make us of it. Don't break it. When you feel you've

Lost your way, please use it to draw you back home.
Home.
Where it's warm. Where I listen. Where I've been waiting.
Where I've checked in until kingdom come.


Don't set me free. Please know that I'm sensitive and selfish.
She doesn't deserve your flood.
I'm dry.
She doesn't need to drown.
I do.
I don't know what I've become with you.
I seem to get lost in who I am, in who I was.
I know you feel some pull to me, I know you have to.
But I cut down the tree, and chopped it into pieces
And piled it higher than a tower
But you lit me.
You set me on fire.
And now this flame burns and doesn't want to go out
And doesn't know where to take itself.
Although, I'm glad it doesn't. Don't waste this fire.
Don't waste my flame. Don't waste my warmth I provide.
Please don't blow this out when it just started burning.
She can't handle what you're feeding her. You're confused,
And only I can see it. Only I can feel it. It's too sad you don't
See me here calling your name. Obviously you don't because
Your poor young heart has wandered into that
Bright city without me at your side to walk with you.
You are going to lose me and I'm so sad that you can't see it.
Because it's coming up soon. I can't take having to hear about
Your walk,
Your journey,
Your trap that you're in with her.
I try to fix you, I try to help you, but what I really need is to
Fix myself first. I need you to see that I'm HURT.
I'm hurting and confused and in need of your affection because
What we have now is too intense to ignore.
We're clocks that are ticking. This thing we have, it has
An expiration date. When it's done, there will be no turning
Back because I will be gone. You can feel my heart.
Can you feel it beating for yours?


You may say I'm crazy, you may say I'm wrong.
You may even blame me for cutting us short,
But it's because I want you to have the best possible
Life and I can't be in it if she is. Darling, I'm going
Out to sea. Open my eyes, you can try. Light the water
And maybe I'll come back, maybe I'll paddle home,
But I will leave my heart to rest at sea.
I will leave it there to drown, because you wouldn't
Drown it for me.


So take me back to the start. When I didn't
Feel things that could possibly end us
Because I want it to be fresh again.
Oh, take me back to the start.

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