3.23.2010

day quince | fanfic

30-Day Blogging Challenge | Day Quince
a fanfic.

Michael, to the horror of Jim and Pam and other Office workers, discovers what Facebook is, and adds everyone as a friend. Stanely is the only one who refuses to add him. Michael ends up killing productivity, wasting all his time on Facebook, sending people vampire hugs, pokes, and stupid comments, etc.


Creed: Yeah, I have a Facebook. I just googled a picture of a teenage boy and named him Skeet. It makes me feel young again. And the young puss ain't bad neither.


Jim updates status on Facebook. "On the sixth day, God created animals, so I'd have something to eat."
Michael spends the whole day trying to think of a witty reply.
Dwight enters Michael's office, saying something…
Michael: No, sorry Dwight, I haven't done that yet.
Dwight: You were supposed to look at those receipts
Michael: I've been trying to think of a witty reply to Jim's status update.
Dwight: Yeah?
Michael: Okay, Jim wrote: "On the sixth day, God created animals so I'd have something to eat" (giggles): I wrote…"cheeseboigers!" (snorts)
Dwight (straight faced): That's lame.
Michael (mad): Okay, get out of here.
Dwight: That's what you came up with after three hours?
Michael: Like you could come up with anything better.
Dwight: How 'bout…on the seventh day, God made Jim my subordinate.
Michael: No, that's creepy.
Dwight: How 'bout…on the seventh-day, God created women, so I'd have something to sleep with.
Michael has shocked face, then grunts with laughter.
Michael: That's actually pretty good.
Michael starts typing it.
Dwight: Put in parentheses…Dwight helped me come up with this joke.
Michael: No, Dwight…that's stupid.
Dwight: But I came up with it.
Michael: But I heard it.
Dwight: I want credit for my joke.
Michael: No. It's my joke.


Dwight pushes Michael away from keyboard, shuts down his computer screen. Runs to his computer.
Michael: DWIGHT!
Everyone is looking at them.
Dwight races onto Facebook, replies to Jim's status update.
Jim receives a status update from Michael and Dwight at the same time. Both say the same thing.
Jim just looks at camera.
Dwight (stupid smile on his face): Hey, Jim…did you get my comment?
Jim: Yeah, I got the same comment from Michael.
Dwight: What? DANGIT! I came up with that joke, Jim.
Jim: If you say so.
Dwight: I did!
Jim: Sure, whatever.
Dwight: Jim…give me credit for my joke.
Jim: I think you stole it.
Dwight: No! I came up with that joke. Jim. JIM! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!
Jim looks at Dwight.
Dwight gives him intense stare as if trying to hypnotize him: (whisper) Give me credit, give me credit. Give me credit.
Jim: No.
Dwight hits desk with hand: DANGIT!
Dwight and Michael get in fight about who came up with joke.
Toby intervenes. The joke is inappropriate so now some feminist lady has to talk to the office workers.
Toby tells Michael that he is not allowed to say THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID under any circumstances.
Michael: Shut-up, Toby.
Toby: Okay, but…you still can't tell that joke.


Dwight makes Andy leave. He tells Michael that Andy has a big mouth and will say something stupid. Michael agrees. They send Andy out to get everyone donuts while Feminist Lady comes in.
Feminist Lady comes in. Michael bows down to women workers, gets them things, holds doors open for them, shows off to feminist lady. He grovels at her feet, pretending to worship her.
Interview with Michael: Did you know that men used to worship women? They were goddesses. Until Jesus came along. Then we made women wash our feet with their hair.
Feminist Lady gives speech about the importance of women in the workplace, how to feel empowered.
Interview with Angela: I think she's a lesbian. She seems to like women too much.
Feminist Lady often refers to how things make her feel "inside."
Michael tries not to say "That's What She Said!" His face is beet red and he keeps grunting.
FL: I want all the men to say something nice about women.
Jim raises hand.
Jim: I think all women are special and unique…like snow flakes, much different from the men in the office. It's hard. It's really really hard.
Michael, suffering. Straight, red face, grunting.
Jim: To make sure women feel as if they are equals. But we need to strive for that. I mean, it's really hard and long and penetrating. This desire to make women equals.
Michael, dying. Face beet red.
FL: Michael, are you okay?
Michael: Yeah, I think so. I just…need some fresh air.
Michael runs out of room, into bathroom.
Andy comes back with donuts.
Andy looks at Feminist Lady: Hey, who's the broad!
Everyone looks at him, horror on their faces.
Micahel: Andy…
Andy: Hey, I gotta joke for you. What did God create on the seventh-day?
FL: What?
Andy: Women. (heh) So we'd have something to sleep with.
Andy makes obscene gestures, gyrating his hips at Feminist Woman.
Looooong silence.
Jim looks at camera, raises eyebrows.
FL cries.
Andy: What?
Michael: Andy! That is completely inappropriate. You know we respect women in this work place.
FL: You've really hurt me inside. You've torn apart my insides.
Michael grunting, red faced: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Michael pukes on her.
Interview with Jim: So yeah, Andy told a dirty joke to a feminist and then Michael puked on her. I'm really surprised this branch hasn't been closed down yet.
Dwight alters Andy's computer so every time he types Cornell the word "fart" appears. Andy's Facebook is riddled with farts. "I attended Fart."
Andy blames Jim. Dwight smiles to himself.

I don't remember where I got this one. :/ But, it's still pretty funny! Hope ya'll enjoyed it!

1 comment:

becca. said...

This was so dang funny. I loved it. I think they should make it into an episode.