11.18.2010

on edge

"Take a breath, just take a seat. You're falling apart and tearing at the seams."
-heaven forbid, the fray
"In days to come when your heart feels undone may you always find an open hand, and take comfort wherever you can."
-comfort, deb talan
"And everyone keeps saying, 'Nothing helps but time.' Time is all I own. Time won't stop replaying over in my mind. I watch the hours slow down. So I crawl underneath my blanket, where I can hide away. I know I can't take it, because I see now it's just one of those days."
-one of those days, joshua radin

--

So lately I've been a little emotional. It's just a bunch of things that are hitting me at once. I would cry over the silliest things. I wasn't sure exactly why. I would just start crying for no reason. I would cry about 3 or 4 times a day. But I've gotten better. I still feel like there are a million things going on in my head, but I'm not crying so much anymore.

Music is usually the thing that helps me take my mind off of things, or helps me put words to my pain. But just until yesterday I wasn't able to listen to music. I usually fall asleep and wake up to it, but I just couldn't. It was like I didn't want to put words to my pain...I didn't really want to know what was wrong with me.

There's still a million things going on inside my head, yet I can't seem to sort them out. I don't know what they are, either. Don't ask me if I want to talk about it, because I don't. Partly because I don't want to talk about it, and partly because I don't really know what's going on.

Luckily I have friends who can relate to what I'm going through. They know not to try to beat it out of me, but rather just relate to that feeling of being emotionally unstable and yet not knowing why.

It might just be the weather, I'm not really sure. It might just be the fact that half of me wants to be in college right now, and the other half of me is super nervous to start college. Either way, whatever it is, it's bugging me. One day I will be normal and the next I will just want to crawl in bed and cry. I don't know why. Some things that have happened are contributing to it, which doesn't help. But I don't want to talk about them, so please don't even ask.

I hope you understand that I'm not trying to be closed. I just don't know what to say because I don't know what's going on inside my head. I just needed to get it out that I'm feeling a little on edge lately.

(And I also realize I stopped doing my Giving Thanks posts...I just didn't feel a desire to blog.)


4 comments:

MandeeFoFandee said...

totally understandable, darlin! I hope you feel normal again soon! :)

suzy said...

hang in there, friend. :) i hope things look up for you!

Yelena said...

I find myself in a similar state so often - especially when I'm stressed or have an important decision I need to make. I'll be praying for you. :)

Krystal said...

aw, hon...keep your head up.